Seeing Thor at Disneyland -- A Must Do!

Thor… superpowers for the good and so much more than a comic book God.

During our many adventures at Disneyland we took the opportunity to visit Innoventions.  We were told there were some Marvel exhibits there that we would want to see.  After entering Innoventions, which is like a museum of modern technology, we made our way toward the Iron Man and Thor exhibits.  Both had lines, and my son was fixated on the Iron Man suit on display so they got in the Iron Man line and I headed off to the Thor line.  Both of these exhibits are “visiting” so there isn’t good signage or architectural direction.  The line consisted of blue “painters” tape on the floor that was too short to accommodate the crowd so the crowd had divided itself into two groups that converged into one.  It was probably a fire hazard and it was a “play fair” challenge.  It also lacked a cast member to provide direction.  I watched as an argument almost broke out behind me, when tempers became heated a Good Samaritan let the couple in line ahead of her.  The line moved slowly but consistently and when it became apparent that it was almost our turn I still didn’t have my family.  I explained to the cast member my challenge and he let me go get my family and then let us into the waiting area.  This was awesome.  The waiting area still had about a 15 minute wait but we now had displays of weapons to look at and read about.   

We were then escorted into a chamber (like the elevator of Haunted Mansion) where more displays of head pieces and shields are on display.  Anthony Hopkins narrates as we are “transported” to Asgard.   

The doors slide open and the MOST authentic Thor is on the throne.  He recites his lines and nails the voice, the laugh and the gestures.  You truly feel like you are standing in front of Thor.  My kids are thrilled.  Thor spends a couple minutes with each family/group for a chat plus photo op and finally (saving the best for last) it is our turn.  Thor acknowledges the twins birthday, how now they are men (some jokes ensue and the dead-on Thor laugh). Thor says hello to Samantha and Gavin and then they pose for a photo, and another and still another.   

He tries to convince my mom to join the photo and she is all, “nah… that’s okay.”  Thor replies, “I would be honored to have a fair maiden such as yourself on my arm.”  She giggles that school girl laugh, her knees do a little knock… and I swear, she swoons, “Gosh, alright.”  Suddenly, she is pushing Kris out of the way so she can stand next to Thor.  More photos.  Mom blushing.  Then she is touching his armor and patting his muscled arms… he is mimicking her behavior and it is quite funny.   

We gather our belongings… all grinning ear-to-ear, ready to leave and Thor says, “Gavin, wait.”  Thor says, “Gavin come back here… I need your help with something.”  He sets his hammer down and says “Only those the enchantments of Mjolnir deem worthy may lift the hammer.”  Thor gestures for Gavin to help him and together they lift Mjolnir.  Mom and I are both crying at this point while Thor embraces Gavin telling him, “Gavin you are worthy and very special.”

New Disney Disability Access Service (Passport) Misses by Miles.

If Disney’s intent of the Disability Access Service was to help give guests with disabilities easier access to park attractions they missed their mark… by miles.

Why miles?  Well Disneyland is 80 acres, has 8 lands and 58 attractions; California Adventure is 55 acres and has 34 attractions.  Each park has FOUR kiosks to sign up for attractions – one at a time.  So one kiosk per 13+ acres. 

A guest wheels up to the nearest kiosk, selects an attraction which is penned onto the passport, and then rolls out to the attraction.  At the attraction they show the passport to a cast member and are advised to go through the handicapped entrance (often the exit).  At the end of this entrance another cast member meets the guest, lines through the passport, and lets them know how long the wait will be.  After experiencing the attraction the guest wheels back to one of the FOUR kiosks to sign up for another attraction.  A lot of traversing the park to find a kiosk… with a lot of time, wear-and-tear as well as energy expended.  And the bottom line is as a guest with disabilities (GWD) you wait in three lines (at the kiosk, at the entrance and at the end of the entrance to have people look at your passport) plus walk 2x as much.  In fact the passport even says, “When utilizing this service, it is possible to experience waits greater than the posted wait time.”  

Well, yeah… that is by design because the time on the passport is the wait time… you just do the waiting somewhere besides the regular line plus you do the additional waiting at the three stops.

This program is fairly new so the cast members aren’t experts at administering it.  We were there 3 days and utilized the passport for NINE attractions. (photo) Three times the cast member failed to cross out the line with the attraction as we prepared to board it (so technically we could have cheated and ridden again.) One time – Indiana Jones – the cast member at the entrance crossed out the line and when we went through the handicapped entrance (exit) and got to the where we should board the ride we were almost denied access to the ride.  Fortunately, the cast member only grumbled about it and didn’t actually turn us away… but it still wasn’t such a magical moment.  And you caught the NINE attractions in 3 days… epic fail.  At $ 225 per ticket; party of 7… that was $ 175 per ride.

My son doesn’t self-propel his wheelchair, for the same reason we used the wheelchair, he has a condition which causes him to fatigue easily.  So while at Disneyland he is pushed, pulled, turned, lifted, accelerated and decelerated by me.  He is 12 and I am pushing around 100+ pounds plus the wheelchair navigating these parks that don’t exactly have a wheels lane.  Sometimes it felt like I was swimming against the current of people.  I had two people run into me on either side, simultaneously – I was wearing a big red, polka-dot bow on my head so it’s not like you could miss me.  I almost ran over two unsupervised preschoolers after saying, “excuse me,” and navigating to avoid them as they darted in front of me three times while I was leaning back trying to control the wheelchair down an incline.  Their father snapped at me, “they’re just little kids,” and I thought, “that should be supervised so they don’t get hurt, dad.”  But I kept my mouth shut.  

The reason I share this is that we asked for Disability Access because we needed assistance and Disney’s new program took the assistance away and gave us more work to do in its place.  I understand that people were cheating the previous system, but the people now being punished at least the person writing this wasn’t cheating the system and shouldn’t be punished.  I have heard this change makes it “fair for everyone.”  If people with disabilities are waiting longer than everyone else, being asked to do more than everyone else and experiencing less, then someone needs to redefine fair.  Not one guest or cast member offered “to be fair” and take a turn pushing the wheelchair.  These are the same voices I have heard for years about “fair” that then insist that everyone be treated fairly at the egg hunt where my child gets trampled for one candy filled egg, or treated fairly as he warms the bench in club athletics, or he is fairly at the end of the line because he moves slower.  From where I stand fair is everyone getting what they need to be successful (or to successfully enjoy Disneyland.)   

My son wasn’t riding the majority of the fast pass (thrill) rides so this service didn’t assist him either.  Disneyland was a magical place for people like my son where labels such as “special needs” actually meant special, and now some of that magic is gone. 

We planned this trip, we front-loaded with a Disney app, we read all the brochures, we had an itinerary for each day, we made dining reservations, we let them know our GFCF dietary needs,  we educated ourselves on the fast pass system, we watched the trip planning video, we pre-ordered our tickets, lodging and PMD (powered mobility device for my dad who chose to only ride one ride), we mapped it out, and we knew where to go to get a passport in both parks.  I thought with all the planning it would be easy.  It wasn’t.  It was physically and mentally tiring.  In the past we had gone from one ride to the next closest ride, in a natural progression but now we had to figure out where to find the nearest kiosk. The wait time was the least of our challenges.  We would have gladly waited in a handicap-accessible line and forgone the passport altogether but the times we tried to do this the cast members didn’t know what to do… as if we were now cheating and must possess and use a Disability Access Service passport to use the accessible entrances.  It tasted of discrimination.

Here are some suggestions for changes in the future. 

One: Training.  If a cast member does it wrong another cast member should not complain to me about this. I should be in a magical place where I don’t have to listen to administrative issues.  

Two: If the average guest rides… pick a number, say 10 attractions in a day, then allow a GWD to sign up for ten attractions spaced out in 30 minute increments.   If a GWD wants to use all ten of those spaces for Radiator Springs, then allow them to spend the next 5 hours riding Radiator Springs 10 times.  Eliminate the back and forth to the kiosks. 

Three: The cast member that lines out the attraction on passport should be able to write in the next one… no kiosks.  

Four: Let me address the quality.  If you are going to take a photo of the GWD make it one that is high enough quality resolution that it doesn’t look like a black blob (see photo).  

Five:  Add a lanyard or make it small enough to fit in a pocket/pouch. 

Six:  Use a different color pen/stamp each day so if a GWD wants to ride Radiator Springs 10 times a day on a three day pass it doesn’t appear that they have already done this (also helps avoid forgery.)

I don’t want you to think our trip was without magical moments.  There were wonderful experiences, and I will blog about all of them… however the Disability Access Service wasn’t magical and Disney as well as all of my friends with disabilities need to know this.

He is unconditional; he is incredible.

So Miss-Uninvited-to-my-Birthday read the post... on the eve of her party and her fb comment was,
        "I am at a loss for words that you would write a blog that makes it sound like Gavin was uninvited to my party because he has special needs when that is far from the truth!" Within minutes, her husband texts, "You've got to be kidding me! What the #*/$ has gotten into you?"

Um, okay... wow.  The title is "Explain it to HIM."  But now I am thinking someone needs to explain it to her (or them?)  Not one bit of recognition that a child was hurt by her decision?  No realization that my son was looking forward to her party and that it mattered to him?   No grasp that in the rush to make everything seem perfect the most perfect little soul was being squashed. Kind of myopic but it's her party. 

I am okay with this truth.  One.  It is a blog about Gavin who does happen to have special needs.  So truth.  Two.  Birthdays (all holidays, special events, and activities that deviate from the standard schedule) are challenging for him.  So truth.  Three.  We were uninvited.  So truth, again.  I apologize to anyone who read the blog and came to the a conclusion that we were uninvited because my son has Down syndrome.  That was not her reason.  The reason is irrelevant.  Gavin doesn't know the reason and the reason has no bearing on his feelings.

What I hoped Miss-Uninvited-to-my-Birthday would come away with was:  It. Broke. My. Son's. Heart. 

Now part of how I define my role as a parent is protecting my son from someone who would hurt him.  I try to educate those that don't know better, and when someone does know better and still chooses to act in a hurtful way, well we distance ourselves.  If someone doesn't get it I can't make them get it but I don't need to continue to subject my son (or myself) to those choices.

The lesson for me was even in his his disappointment, he comforted me.  He didn't dwell on her insensitivity.  He didn't spend on minute there... he moved right on to, "maybe next time."  He is unconditional; he is incredible.  I want to be more like him.  I could use some of that divine chromosome.  Our friendship could use some of that divine chromosome. 

Explain it to HIM

As a parent of a child with special needs we are use to not getting invited to birthday parties.  It is almost easier.  There are way too many sensory triggers at a birthday party... balloons, screams of excitement, presents that aren't for my child, sugar, adults dressed up as a giant whatever, games with rules, singing... usually bad singing and candles (hello fire?)  We want the invite but can't quite bring ourselves to drop our kid at the party.  We hover, we hope they will be perfect angels in a completely chaotic situation. We worry about our child's behavior.  As if this wasn't challenge enough we have gone dairy and gluten free (no cake and ice cream, no pizza, no sandwiches, no ranch dip, no nuggets and no mac-n-cheese, to name a few).  As I said we usually don't miss "not being invited" to birthday parties.

But this one was different.  It was for a beloved adult... someone my child cherishes.  It was at a restaurant where we could order according to our dietary needs.  No furry adults, no screams of excitement, and no games.  I told my child about the party and he was excited.

Then I got the text message letting us know not to attend.  Yeah, you read that right, uninvited via a text.  Oh it wasn't a straight out "BTW, Uninvited," text... no it meandered around with pleasantries, how am I doing, blah, blah, blah and then the punch... "(she) hopes (I) understand."  I understand just fine.  My next text should have been some gracious well chosen words.  But my thumbs failed me.

In the grand scheme of things, it's just a party.  Again, we usually try to avoid these things.  They aren't even considered.  So this morning when he woke up, ran to his closet and returned with two ties for her special party... I had no words.  How do I explain it to HIM?  He trusts so completely and loves so unconditionally.  He says, "(her name) 's Party?"  I reply, "No honey, not today."  He walks over to the calendar and points to where I have written it on today's square, "Sunday, party!"  I sigh, reel him into an embrace, "You are so smart..."  I am stammering for how to explain it to his heart.  I pull him into a hug, "not for us, okay?"  He smiles, puts his hand on my face catching a tear, "Okay, mama, maybe next time?"

Happy Birthday Gavin!

Dear Gavin,

It is hard to believe a decade has passed since I witnessed the miracle of your birth.  I had been in love with you for months, sight unseen, just a flutter of movements that seemed to settle when I talked to you.  When you arrived you were the gentlest spirit, sleeping through the night almost right away; loving to be cuddled and held… it was hard to put you down. 

One of your most endearing qualities was how you would reach up your tiny hand and rest it ever so gently on my cheek.  You wooed quite a few hearts with this move, you still do with an added, “I love you.”  We all fall for it. 

Over the years as you have hit each milestone, and celebrated birthdays I have said, “Oh, this is my favorite age,” only to have you move to the next step and be delighted a new.  Today, you are a friend, an encourager, an optimist, a companion, a caregiver, an advocate, a play mate, a helper, a student, a collector, an enthusiast, a reader, a team mate, a magician, a comedian, a greeter, and a believer… you are the brother everyone wants, the friend we want to deserve, the son I could never do enough to be worthy of and yet here you are.  I don’t know a person who loves more or tries harder; I don’t know a better person.  Having you in our lives has changed us.  It has changed our career paths, our priorities, our wants, our hopes and our dreams.  Our vision of the world has a lens… you, which we now look through.  Things that were once so important are just things now and moments that flew by unnoticed now hover like butterfly wings almost stopping time with how they awe us.  You have taught us to see, taste, smell, feel and touch the world in a whole new way… that has made us richer; made us better.  We are simpler because of you and at the same time we have so much more depth.

With you in our lives we have learned a new language… a way of communicating that transcends words.  You have shown us the value of speaking with expression, movement and sound.  The music that is your laughter could soothe even the deepest hurts and the way you read us and reach us in these moments defies explanation.  Your courage and tenacity to overcome obstacles…of adversity, discrimination, and ignorance… to give us grace over and over… you exemplify humanity at its finest.

It is easy for me to admit, there is nothing I would rather do than spend time with you.  Your company is easy and I never grow tired of your companionship.  Your expectations are plain… my presence is present enough. I miss you when we are apart and I appreciate that you tell me you miss me too.  That tender honesty and vulnerability are some of your noblest qualities. 

Thank you for giving us such an amazing gift… you.  Thank you for giving it every moment of every day for the last 10 years.  I love you for always and happy birthday!

Moving Mountains?

Of homework... gaak! Why is an inclusive education eight pages of homework when a typical education is two? This little learner has really put up with it two nights in a row -- for hours! Not 4 hours, but for two hours well I guess over two nights that is four hours. Look at me doing my math! Still way too long so we were jumping off the stairs during a well earned break. Mommy wanted to jump off of somewhere higher but there would still be homework and a mess to clean up so she thought wiser. He has gotten so smart about the "reward system." Here is how Gavin sees it: a problem on the page is an m&m, whole page is a prize, whole pile is a movie. Oh but I need some juice and maybe some popcorn. I am cold sitting here for two hours so maybe a blanket too, oh that feels nice. Now maybe you could scratch my back. Oh yeah I have to go to the bathroom. Here's how mom sees it: (one to one correlation = number of problems on page same as number of m&ms, sneak in a color ID by asking Gavin which color he's going to eat next, sneak in a subtraction equation = how many left, prize is a balloon (oral motor and fine motor) that we toss around and use on a break (OT gross motor) while identifying left and right sides and body parts. The movie is my ahhhhh time -- I've gotten smart about the "reward system" too!